Parents! God instructs you to teach your children his ways. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it" (New Living Translation (NLT).)
Teaching is active! Deuteronomy 6 is a command to teach God's laws. Verse seven says, "Repeat them (the laws) again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again" (NLT.) That pretty much covers it, doesn't it? It seems we are always home, away from home, going to bed, or getting up! So, we are to teach the ways of God all the time.
God's Word doesn't give us commands without giving us a means to carry out those commands. The bible is a wonderful instruction book. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right" (NLT.) This passage is present tense! The bible still does these things – right now in 2007.
The gospel of Jesus is precious, isn't it? Our sins are certainly forgiven and our salvation is sure as a result of Jesus' sacrifice and our response of faith. But grace doesn't mean that we can do as we please. We are expected to live like children of God. The Holy Spirit not only brings us to faith, but his job is also sanctification, which means change. That means he is with us now and little by little changes us to become more and more like Jesus in every way, according to the instructions given in the bible.
God's word talks about how we are to treat one another. As brothers and sisters often do, we quarrel and bicker, don't we? But God expects us to work on that – and work rather diligently! He wants us to live in peace and unity with one another. One way to do that is to watch our mouths – the ways in which we communicate with one another.
The Four Rules of Communication
In Ephesians 4:24-32, we can find four rules to help us communicate in a way that pleases God, our Father. Let's learn them, practice them ourselves, and teach them to our children.
Rule 1 (Eph. 4:25): Be honest.
Speak the truth to one another – but speak only out of love. It's easy to speak truth lovingly when we give compliments or show affection. "You're such a good mom." "I love your new outfit." "It's neat how you spend time with your son." However, when we have bad news to give, when we receive criticism, or when we're angry, it's not so easy to speak lovingly.
Perhaps it would be helpful to consider "assertiveness" here. Assertiveness means that we behave and speak in a way that is respectful to ourselves and also respectful to others. In other words, we honestly say what is necessary, but we do it in a way that considers the needs of the other person. "I'm upset that you forgot to pick up Johnny for school. I was late for work because I had to take him myself. Is there a way that we can solve this problem so it's not likely to happen again?"
Teach your children: Honesty + Respect = Biblical Communication
Rule 2 (Eph. 4:26-27): Keep current.
How easy is it to start with one problem and then begin to recall and bring up many other problems that happened in the past? It's very easy. In fact, often when we are trying to deal with a current problem we get so side-tracked by the past that we have to ask, "Now what was it we were talking about originally?" That's why it's important to solve problems as they come up. It is overwhelming to let things go and try to solve many problems at once. And, it is a sin to bring up things that have been worked through with confession, repentance, and forgiveness. The promises of forgiveness are:
I will not bring it up to you again.
I will not use it against you.
I will not talk about it to others.
I will not dwell upon it myself.
I will not allow it to hinder our relationship.
That's why we can forgive 70 x 7 as Jesus requires – because every offense is treated as new! A word of caution: This does not mean that there are not consequences for sin that are carried out in spite of forgiveness. For example, David was forgiven by God for his sins regarding Uriah and Bathsheba prior to the birth of his son by Bathsheba. The baby, however, still died.
Teach your children: Addressing problems as they occur + confession, repentance, and forgiveness = Biblical Communication
Rule 3 (Eph. 4:29-30): Attack problems, not people.
God gives us anger to destroy something! When we clam up (and ignore rules 1 & 2) we hurt ourselves. There are many problems associated with holding in anger. When we blow up we violate rule #3 and we attack others. All of us can list the problems that occur when this happens – everything from broken relationships to broken bones. What then is anger designed to destroy? The problem! We are to use our anger energy to do away with the problem. This requires assertive communication that invites the other person to join the mission. What good does it do to attack a person and his character with name calling, gossip, hurtful words, sarcasm, or teasing? How does giving the silent treatment to another honor God? God expects us to unify to solve problems. There is no place for attack – no place at all. It grieves our Lord. When we attack others we have little understanding of the grace he lavishes on each of us.
Teach your children: The goal of unity + Anger energy aimed at the problem and used for problem solving = Biblical Communication
Rule 4 (Eph. 4:31-32): Act! Don't react.
"When I react, I 'bounce off'' your words or actions. I let myself be controlled by what you say or do" (Quote from Faith Counseling Ministries.)
Most of us don't like to be controlled by others. We don't like controlling spouses, bosses, or friends. Why, then, do we allow ourselves to be controlled by someone else's behavior toward us? Why do we react to someone else's mood, words, attitude, or even facial expression? Often we say things such as, "he made me mad," or "she put me in a bad mood," or "when she rolls her eyes like that I want to scream." Those are all examples of reactions, and you can probably come up with a hundred more.
Galatians 5:15-17 says, ". . . if instead (of loving one another) you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The old sinful nature loves to do what is evil, which is just the opposite of what the Holy Spirit wants" (NLT.)
God wants us to live according to the new person he is molding us into through the Holy Spirit. He wants us to exemplify the Fruit of the Spirit with all of its manifestations – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are the actions that mark us as children of God.
Teach your children: Acts (controlled by the Holy Spirit) – Reactions (controlled by Others) = Biblical Communication
In closing, the book of 1 Corinthians is a letter written by the apostle Paul to the Christian church which he had established in Corinth. Paul was teaching and preaching in Ephesus when he received word that there was disharmony and division among new believers in Corinth. The basic theme of 1 Corinthians is the application of biblical principles to individual Christians as well as to the Church. The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is a message that is designed to transform the lives of believers and make them different from the surrounding world. The people of Corinth were destroying their Christian testimony because of their immorality and disunity. Paul wrote in order to correct improper behavior and attitudes and to promote a spirit of cooperation and unity. What Paul wrote still applies today. Chapter 13 is provides a beautiful definition of love – one that we often hear at weddings. Although lovely at weddings, it was not really intended for couples but for the whole body of Christ! It is a description of how we are to treat one another! Take time to read it and discuss it with your children. Take action and expect change.
Parents! God instructs you to teach your children his ways. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it" (New Living Translation (NLT).)
